This is your fifth part of "9 Simple Rules For Dating Russian Women".
Rule #4 was to ensure you are talking to a real woman.
If you are using a specialized Russian dating agency, you are quite safe - they screen their members and their girls are real.
But if you use a general dating site, this is a very important moment and I suggest you read the Anti-Scam Guide to ensure your correspondent is for real.
If you are in any doubt, read the Guide - better be safe than sorry!
It will also help you to confirm if your relationship is genuine, and I am sure it will be a great relief for you.
Now that you have made sure that you are talking to a real woman, it is time for the Rule #5...
Rule #5. Don't question her intentions
If you decided to explore your options with Russian women, you must be doing it because you believe you can find somebody special, who will love you for you. (And you CAN!)
But since you are looking for such a person, you must not question her intentions, once you have found somebody you really like!
The woman has to trust you unconditionally to be able to leave her home, friends and family behind, and go to an unknown country to live with you. She places all her faith in your relationship. But to earn this unconditional faith and trust, you need to invest your own faith in this relationship, too.
Sounds like it goes without saying? You will be amazed how many men start a relationship with a Russian woman, and then they begin questioning her intentions, their age difference, the reason why she is willing to leave her friends and family behind, etc, etc.
They might have heard some horror stories, or their friends and family keep telling them she is only marrying him to get the passport, or they simply start feeling insecure because this woman seems to good to be true.
As the result, they destroy what could possibly be a wonderful relationship and long-lasting marriage.
Russian women place marriage and family as their first priority because they are brought up in this way; it is in their culture. But Russian demographics with only 88 men for 100 women prohibit them from finding a husband in Russia, and without a husband they feel their life is incomplete. Russian women really want to get married! This is why they are ready to leave their homeland behind, not the other way around.
Any woman will be offended if her genuine intentions are questioned. It is only liars that will not be offended by such questions and will readily assure you that their intentions are sincere. You will not get rid of pretenders this way, but you will scare away all the honest women!
An honest woman will lose her trust in you - and she cannot love somebody she does not trust! Once you start questioning her intentions, it is the beginning of the end of your relationship.
Forget "mail order brides" nonsense. What most western authors do not realize, it is how important marriage is for Russian women.
EVERY Russian woman feels unfulfilled if she does not have a husband. In Russia, to be considered a respectable member of the society a woman should be married, with children, or she is an outcast. This is why even successful career women in Russia have the need to meet a partner and get married. Yes, for a woman with a child, it is very difficult to find a husband in Russia, but still she seeks a husband, and not making a career instead, because she believes that a woman is made for the family life. This comes first, and only then come other things such as providing for her children etc. Women don't start their search for a husband abroad because they need somebody to provide for their children. They start their search because they want a complete family and a husband.
This nuance is difficult to explain; but I will try. You know western society is based in the cult of "success", which is mostly defined in financial terms. If you do not have money and do not have a career, you are not successful. The definition of success is the same for men and women.
In Russia, the definition of success for men and women is different.
For a man, success is similarly defined in financial terms. But for a woman, success is to be married to a worthy man, create a cozy home and bring up good children.
Now, just imagine you were unemployed and did not have a career, for a long time. How would you feel? This is the way an unmarried Russian woman feels, because for her having a complete family is the necessary condition of success and the feeling of well-being.
How would you feel if you have never had any job - while all your friends and classmates have one? This is how a Russian woman who has never been married feels.
A divorced Russian woman feels like a person who had lost her job long time ago. Their sense of self-worthiness and fulfillment depend on having a husband and complete family, the same way in America having money and career define the feeling of self-worthiness and fulfillment.
That's the best way I can explain why marriage is so important for Russian women.
Remember on Elena's Models you were reading profiles of women that seek a man like you?
Did you notice that in their profiles - they don't talk much about their careers and career aspirations but about family life and their hopes for marriage?
Now you understand why - marriage and family are MORE important conditions of success in life for Russian women than a career. Many successful career women sacrifice their careers to meet a good man for marriage!
This is what Elena Hughes from Russian-Wife.net said:
“……I was a lonely 39 year old woman, succeeding in my own business in Belarus, an international travel agency.
I gave all my energy to my work, and for a personal life there was no time. As the years passed, I also began to reflect on times gone by, and I realized that wealth is not (or should not be) the main goal in life. There was no sound of children's laughter in my home. I was coming back to an empty house, tired, worn, and unimportant to anyone.
That was my life, despite my success.
For any woman there comes a time when you are no longer the focus of attention at a party you once were. After that, the hopes of a family life are gone, for it is already too late. I realized I had to urgently turn my life 180 degrees; and decided to devote myself to finding a good man for a happy marriage.
At one time in my life, I took a huge risk, selling all my personal belongings, to raise the seed capital for opening my tourist agency. I did not even keep a warm coat, and remember that winter I was always cold without my fur coat. Now I made a decision just as risky, to close the business, and focus on the goal of marriage. The tourist business does not forgive mistakes, they can be expensive, and I decided that the process of finding a husband was also an all-or-nothing proposition.
Not without the risk - in this endeavor, I could finish without the business or a husband.
Certainly some friends thought I had gone mad.
However, I felt confident, that I was moving toward my destiny.
Having removed the distraction of gainful employment, I set to work. In one newspaper, I saw an ad for a company "Elena's Models". I also hired an English tutor, to teach me individually. She assumed from my attitude that I was engaged, until I explained, "I will be married, but I have not found a groom yet."
(Sure enough, with such an attitude Elena soon met her future husband; he placed an ad in our Gentlemen's Catalog)
We were married in April 2002. We are past the 'honeymoon' and the expectations of the newlywed. We moved on to ordinary life. As with any family there are disagreements, and our characters had to settle in to married life. And in our first year, we had personal tragedies but we overcame them together.
We continue to love each other and are happy.
Now I am the happiest mum of a charming baby girl.
What a joy to be a mother and Doug's 'favorite wife'!…”
As you can see, those beautiful, educated, intelligent and sincere women don't look back and feel sorry for the lost career opportunities. They are confident that it was well worth it! They are happy to be in a loving relationship and raise a family. They believe this is what the woman is made for.
So if you are ready for this journey and really want to meet The Woman Of Your Dreams, realize once and forever that your dream woman is also looking for her Dream Man and life-long marriage, and does not have any hidden agenda. (If she had, she would NOT be your dream woman!)
So - don't question her intentions!
She will love you for you - but first of all YOU must believe that she CAN love you for you!
Rule #6 Is On Its Way Tomorrow!
I hope you enjoy your subscription.
And don't forget...
There are 4 more "Simple Rules For Dating Russian Women" coming soon!
Sincerely,
Elena Petrova
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